SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS
A man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation, or his marriage,
he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to
Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in
Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child
support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby
was born.To keep it discrete, he told her to simply
mail him a post card, And write 'Spaghetti' on the back.
He would then arrange for the Child support payment to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused
wife. 'Honey, ' she said, “You received a very strange post
card today.'' Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it
later,' he said.

The wife watched as her husband read the card, turned
white, and faint. On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without. Will need extra sauce…

SKIPPING CHURCH
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So.... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

A TOUCHING HOME DEPOT STORY
Charlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to Home Depot. At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful bathroom faucet while she was waiting for Walt, (the manager) to finish waiting on a customer. When Walt was finished, Mary asked, “How much for that faucet?” Walt replied, “That's pewter and it costs $300.” My goodness that sure is a lot Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy, and Walt went over to the next aisle to find it. From the next aisle Walt yelled, “Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?”
Mary replied, “No, but I will for the faucet.”
 

Courtesy of Full Throttle Magazine